By the way -- Купи дорогу!
I'm not a woman you can trust -- Я не женщина, поверь мне.
Silver is the best conductor of electricity -- Сильвер - лучший кондуктор электрички.
Notorious murderer -- Нотариус-убийца.
Spirit is strong, but the flesh is weak -- Водка ничего, а мясо протухло.
I am not like you -- Вы мне не нравитесь.
The troops were marching -- Трупы маршировали.
No smoking! -- Пиджаки не вешать!
I miss my town badly -- Я девушка и живу в плохом городе.
Give up smoking -- Дай закурить!

И конечно же, бессмертное:

We are the champions -- Мы шампиньоны!

Get your wish...
_____________

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, Lord grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

Naked conductor run under the carriage.-
голый проводник бежит под вагоном

We had zillions of customers – У нас было несметное количество клиентов.
She was going a zillion miles per hour! – Она неслась с безумной скоростью!
It's been a zillion years since I've seen her – Я не видел её тысячу лет.

Я, вообще, полагаю, что юмор и английский язык несовместимы

The troops were marching -- Трупы маршировали.